Fairy Godmother for Hire

Semester 1 2024 Content Team

Profile: Cowboy_Hunk | Rating: ★★☆☆☆
All I wanted was a house in the middle of the country with lots of property and now I’m literally living in the middle of Australia. It’s so hot and dry, and everything is dusty. There’s no grass ANYWHERE. And the closest shop is 500 kilometres away. What the heck!

Profile: Offic3Man | Rating: ☆☆☆☆☆
I just wanted some sleep. Why, pray tell, did the Fairy Godmother send me to my childhood home, to sleep in the same bed as the child who lives in the room I used to? I got shot in the leg by the father, and now I’m in prison serving sentences for both trespassing and grooming. 


Profile: CaughtRedHanded| Rating: ★★★☆☆
Wished for lobster hands. Got ‘em. I made this wish during a verrry dark period of my life and sorely regret it.

Profile: WeArnottFriends | Rating: ☆☆☆☆☆
I asked for bottomless Shapes, and now my house is covered in food. Stupid Fairy! The wish was for bottomless Shapes crackers, not for every 3D shape to suddenly lose its base! My cereal, my spices, my damn milk! 


Profile: CleoooNauurrr2O| Rating: ★☆☆☆☆
Um so this is embarrassing but if it saves someone else from going through the same thing it’ll be worth it. Wished to have the mermaid powers from H2O, and now my sex life has been majorlyyy hijacked. Whenever I get ‘wet’ the mermaid tail makes its appearance. Do not for the love of all things sacred buy a wish from this maniac.

Profile: WildWarlock_ | Rating: ★★☆☆☆
DO NOT WISH FOR TELEPORTING. It is the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. Also, you gotta account for the Earth moving through space when you do it or else you’ll end up dead in space or smth. Gotta have a whole ass physics degree. 10/10 not worth it. Pro tip: if you already made this wish, don’t sneeze. 


Profile: FairyHateClub666| Rating: ★☆☆☆☆
This Fairy has got to be taking the piss. I just wanted a full night’s sleep. I’m now forced unconscious the second it gets dark and am up at the crack of dawn. Once, I fell asleep in the pool. I’m lucky my friend was there, because that stupid Fairy could have killed me.

Profile: VampireLover96 | Rating: ★☆☆☆☆
I wished for the Fairy Godmother to turn me into a vampire, and I do not recommend. I sleep all day and can only go out at night. I almost crashed my car because my skin sparkles whenever the light hits it. I can’t eat food anymore, only drink blood, and the taste is so sour. It burns going down my throat.


Profile: QueenofGondor12 |Rating: ☆☆☆☆☆
I wished for Aragorn—you know, from Lord of the Rings (guilty pleasure, sue me)—and when the Fairy Godmother clicked his fingers, a random little kid appeared. I don’t know where the child came from or whose child it is. He says his name is Aragorn, but he looks nothing like Viggo Mortensen. Please help? Is someone missing their child? What do I do? Is this kidnapping?

Profile: KingMidas_BowDown| Rating: ★★★★★
I got tired of begging for things, so I wished to be able to make gold. Now everything I touch turns to fucking gold, and the Russian Mafia have kidnapped me. Pretty sure I’m funding their science experiments. I get fed by servants, though. I’m a fucking king now. Five stars.








This collaborative project, created by the Content Team of Scratch That for Semester 1, 2024, was first published in the 2024 Winter Zine on the 31st of May. Involved authors include E. L. Maloney (she/her), Dylan Oliver, Tuesday Tomlins (she/her), Mia Paton (she/her), Verity Rose (she/they), Taylor Dusina (she/her), and Phoenix Sunrider (they/she). Read their previous works published across the semester.


E. L. Maloney, Tuesday Tomlins, and Phoenix Sunrider illustrated the extra visuals used throughout the piece. Tuesday Tomlins also created the thumbnail art for this page.


Fran Hitzke (she/her), who designed the Fairy Godmother art, is a Visual Artist working and learning in Meanjin. Her current practice examines the solitude of the human condition, particularly the concept of subjectivity of experience: where our circumstances, upbringing, and perspectives guide us to feel that what we undergo during our life is distinct and isolating.

Fran’s compositions include everyday items displayed in a discarded, dismantled, or altered manner, enhancing the symbolic undertone we apply to physical belongings. She utilises both text and conceptual titles as a bridge to resolve the belief that personal tribulations are more exclusive than they truly are. The intention of her work is to visually demonstrate the universality of personal subjectivity and actively combat the individual concealment of harmful interactions or incidents.


Find our authors and artists on social media!
E.L. Maloney: @loriciawrites
Mia Paton: @_miapaton
Phoenix Sunrider: @jazmindoesart
Fran Hitzke: @hotzkeart