[DISCLAIMER: this individual is – famously – a loose cannon. They go off the hook a few times. I’ve had to cut several of their words, and chunks of their answers were completely removed because they were either incoherent rambling, animalistic screams, or just terrible and long tangents.]
[DISCLAIMER 2: Do not read if you are easily offended. These text and audio files contain sensitive content and the use derogatory language.]
[DISCLAIMER 3: I am not interested in sharing my own politics with readers, but I am interested in platforming voices from across the political compass for the sake of documentation and creative writing. Enjoy.]
On September 21st, I was struggling to find source material for my next submission to the ScratchThat website. I have been writing there almost weekly since July as a final year assessment item for my creative writing bachelor’s degree, and I was having some of the most fun I’ve ever had as a writerly person. Writing stories and sharing them with ScratchThat’s valued readers brought me much fulfilment, and I wanted to do something special, an interview. I wrote Whitcomb an email, and on October 3rd, I was fortunate enough to be sitting face to face with this extraordinary individual.
With more than 20 years working in the field of entertainment as a comedian, writer, philosopher, aviation expert, YouTuber, and professional boxer, Whitcomb has published three novels and has had three seasons of a popular sitcom aired on television. Their fame in mainstream media, however, has been short lived, as their extreme political ideas have landed them in hot water, especially with progressive and left-wing political activists, on several occasions. The nature of their humour often flies over peoples’ heads, and has been criticised as distasteful.
As such, Whitcomb did not wish for their real name to be used, but asked to be referred to with an alias. I was disappointed at this, but they told me it was a safer choice. I told them I don’t care for safety. They told me I “seemed like a genuine person” and “a young dude with good prospects,” and they didn’t want “the slimy, condensed sludge of a person that was them, made up of basically terrible life decisions and infamous controversy” to ruin that for me. Given the nature of Whitcomb’s ongoing controversy, I agreed to keep their name anonymous, but I felt I was being sold short. I wanted a compromise – and they agreed to my proposal because they thought it would be funny to toy with readers. I ended up agreeing.
Interviewer: Hello, and welcome to week 10 of working with Scratch That. I’m Lachlan Gaul, and today I have an interview with a phenomenal guest-
Whitcomb: Truly phenomenal. Exceptional, even.
Interviewer: Yeah, for sure, man. Today, I want to learn how you came up with the revolutionary new NFT, LoveSpell. The listeners probably already know who you are, but you’re going by a pseudonym today, isn’t that right?
Interviewer: So please welcome artist, comedian, pilot, philosopher, and boxer, Whitcomb! So, Whitcomb, you’re behind the development of LoveSpell NFT. Were there any major sources of inspiration behind its creation, and what exactly was it about them that affected you?
Whitcomb: Well, I’m just a zesty and life-loving 17-year-old kid from Connecticut, but if I come up with a good idea, I just do it, if you catch my drift. Inspiration… my mother has been a wonderful source of inspiration. All her crack-tainted kisses really left a great impression on me growing up, you know. Not to disrespect people who throw their lives away for a quick buzz several times a day. So, my mom was an inspiration, if you can call her that, but also just a huge bitch. My other inspiration… the cookie monster from sesame street. That guy could probably eat more cookies than I could in a day, and I’m a literal giant – like, huge. I don’t fit in cars.
Interviewer: Interesting. So that lead to some pretty crazy art. LoveSpell consists nearly 1000 separate pieces of media – and I was stunned by the art style. The holographic 3D rendered images with their distorted, sometimes obnoxious, audios were like nothing I have ever experienced. What was the source of inspiration behind that?
Whitcomb: Art? I don’t know if I have ever thought of LoveSpell NFT that way. It was fun to make it. We basically started out compiling random audio snippets against shoddy 3D renders of fruit. From there, the idea expanded to people, ideas, social media, and the main forces behind our 21st century engine. So far, we’ve had nearly eight hundred investors, so I can’t deny that there’s something special that people find in it. That being said, if you’re listening, mom, I want to say that I love you, and you should spend $4K on some sweet NFTs courtesy of your very own son!
Interviewer: Was LoveSpell intended to be political?
Whitcomb: Honestly, it’s very political. Super serious politics (like, radical!). A guy gets their elbow sliced off by a crocodile tooth in super slow motion. That’s a message about the 1% getting away with too much economic crime. Then there’s a shiny NFT of a biker woman dressed in nylon spandex screaming off a cliff while her hair goes spastic in the wind. Man, you better believe that’s a motif for feminism’s beauty! It all says that the left is the new evil world order, and at the same time it says the future is a right-wing hellhole dominated by whacky conservative nut-heads! But at the end of the day, it’s just a bunch of flashy images and terrible sounds. And you are buying it, so make of that what you will. LoveSpell is political, but at the same time, it’s a heap of trash. ******* will put a political spin on anything. Can I say ****** on here? No, probably not great to say that on a podcast made for smarty-pants leftist college geniuses.
Interviewer: Well, I’m flattered (I think). That would be nice I guess, to make a dying old man happy. And I see your point about politicism often being, I guess, interpreted between the lines of a piece of art – or indeed an NFT. But let’s keep the derogatory terms out of the transcript from now on.
Whitcomb: That’s a smarty-pants answer. Were you baptised to speak that way in college or were you born that way?
Interviewer: Actually, I really couldn’t say for sure. But I’m here to interview you, not the other way around. Moving on. I guess what I really want to know is what exactly the inspiration behind LoveSpell NFT was. Was there a pivotal moment in your life that led you down this path?
Whitcomb: Well, Lachlan, I’m not going to give a meaningful answer here. I know you’re sitting there across from me in that comfortable armchair expecting some crazy, highfalutin backstory, but the truth is that the lore of Whitcomb runs deep as a Japanese footbath. That’s, uh, not very deep just for the record. I started it [LoveSpell NFT] because I just want money. I have money and I want more. I mean come on, it’s an NFT. Who makes NFTs as actual art? Not me. I just do it for money. Anyway, I don’t like that question that much.
Interviewer: There is one last question that I hope you’ll like a bit better. Why the name? Why “LoveSpell”?
Whitcomb: The world is too full of hate. Go online, it’s a gladiatorial ring. Go outside, people are just waiting for it to be legal to rip out the jugular of that person who gave them a dirty look at the bus stop. I can’t walk underneath the window cleaners above the street without imagining how easily that worker could throw a metal bucket full of fly guts and soapy water, bang crack on my head, and kill me in an instant. LoveSpell was meant to reflect our need to cleanse these violent urges and accept that there’s nothing we can do to stop the crazy world emerging before our eyes. In a big way, the essence of LoveSpell is the acceptance that violence is a part of nature, and that it is inside all of us. Primitive, isn’t it? At the same time – I’ll be honest – it’s all just a piece of trash. I just wanted to make money.
Interviewer: Very poetic. Well, that’s all for today. Thanks for joining me today, Whitcomb.
Whitcomb: Thank you for having me here. I enjoyed it.
Interviewer: Are there any last words you want our audience to hear?
Whitcomb: Buy into LoveSpell NFT. It’s gonna go huge in a few years once mainstream media starts talking about it. That’s all I have to say about that.
Author: Lachlan aims to convert his experience of existence into writing. For Lachlan, the most entertaining thing about being a creative writer is the ability to become multiple things at once. He hopes you come away from his work feeling connected with the universe, and indulging a stronger sense of optimistic nihilism.
Artist: Yongzheng Wang is a visual arts student from China, currently studying at QUT and living in Brisbane, specialising in traditional painting such as classical oil painting and academic sketching. While studying art in China, he won a first prize in landscape drawing in institute. He is fluent in Chinese, French, English and Italian and has a good knowledge of Western art theory.
Editors: David Farr and Hannah Vesey