el waddingham
Content Warning: Gender dysphoria, sexism
i want to be successful
the way that a man is successful.
i want to be desired the way
the man is desired.
i want to be handed opportunity by default
my hard work
means very little
when staring down the face of male mediocrity.
i want to talk over others.
cram my hand into the mouth of someone much smarter than me.
i want to boast about myself
and steal your time away from you.
i want to speak my mind
while you are degraded for speaking yours.
i want to be praised for my commitment
while you are mocked for yours.
male rage is artistic and deep
female rage is camp and frivolous
no matter your talent
power
numbers
charm.
opportunity will never be
even.
it will always come at a price
this is not equality
this is not meritocracy
this is a child
a product
of your mediocrity
i break my body
contort my shape
to mirror yours.
and no matter how much of myself
i give and give
and give
and give
i will never be you.
every drop of blood
every empty tear duct
i have because
of me.
because of my work
because of my power
i have never been handed
anything
and on my sagging shoulders
i hold the weight
of the women
who never got their time in the sun
their share of the rations
of what little we get in this life
because of you.
i can live with their weight
can you?
we knew we would always be the muses
the ones to blame for wrongs
the divine inspiration
when eve bit the apple.
Author: el waddingham is an emerging stage poet, actor and theatre fairy from Meanjin. They currently study a Bachelor of Fine Arts (Acting) at QUT, and have work published by Theatrehaus and Minimum Wines, with a work under development with Queensland Theatre. A queer artist with punch, el is a fierce and honest voice in challenging artistic convention.
Artist: SaBelle Pobjoy-Sherriff is a third year fine arts visual arts student. Her art practice uses narrative and mythology to create obscure illustrations and sculptures. Using acrylic paint and coloured pencils she creates vibrant worlds and creatures. Her current work focuses on the current climate crisis and the idea of corrupting escapism. You can find more on her Instagram @SaBelleeee.
Editors: Jasmine Tait and Eliana Fritz