Reality Shows I Have Watched At Least a Season Of:
Survivor, Big Brother, The Amazing Race, Taskmaster, Are You the One?, The Great British Bake-Off, The Traitors, The Mole, Below Deck, Below Deck Mediterranean, The Masked Singer, The Real World, Catfish, 90 Day Fiancé, Legendary, Love on the Spectrum, Orangutan Jungle School, The Circle, The Bridge, I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!, Kid Nation, Nailed It!, Floor is Lava, Instant Hotel, Trapped!, The Quest, Encore!
Reality Shows I Would Go On:
(if I were a famous comedian, Taskmaster)
(if I thought I was smart, The Mole)
I have watched forty-one seasons of Survivor
the American version (Jeff Probst is superior)
I have seen those sandy beaches more than I can count
I could never spend a month there.
true, I am not American
(but Erika was Canadian and that DID NOT STOP HER)
I write on dating apps, ‘watch Survivor with me, I’ll talk your ear off’
but how could I without spoiling forty-one seasons?
do I know how to make fire? no.
do I know how to fish? no.
am I a physical competitor? no.
am I loveable? yes.
(what? people say I am!)
there has never been a Keeley over forty-one seasons
(so many a Kelly/Kelley, when will they bring back Wentworth again)
unless through all the binging I’ve just forgotten.
but I’d never be the first something-winner
I’d never win.
very presumptuous of me!
it’s the social anxiety
imagine me sitting there in the final tribal council
attempting, stumbling through, why I deserve that–
that beautiful, beautiful title
I deserve to win:
I never fully trusted anyone.
(it’s what you learn from forty-one seasons)
am I great for expecting people to stab me in the back?
you’re sure I’d knife you too.
but no really, if Jeff could just snuff out my torch just once I would be able to die peacefully, watching whatever season of Survivor we would be up to by then.
Author: Keeley Young writes queer literature, fantasy fiction, poetry (sometimes), and emotion-focused work that he hopes makes people feel heard and seen, even just a little. You might be familiar with his work with ScratchThat from last year, where he wrote about cuddling with robots, communing with a dead gay lover, and summoning demons.
Artist: Zoe Hawker is a multi-disciplinary student artist working with sculpture, installation, and painting. Her self-reflexive practice aims to decode the absurdities of our current culture.
Editors: Kelly Rouzbehi and Breeh Botsford