Undelivered
Alex Boughen

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you were there, watching me with a smile, asking to hold my hand
i’m not sure if i miss that
if i miss you how i should miss someone i was supposed to be in love with
i think i do
maybe
all i know is that there is an ache somewhere in my body
and you might be the cause
sometimes it hurts so bad that i imagine you’ve settled behind my ribs
that you’re just chipping away at my lungs
to be fair, the ache could be from exhaustion
i don’t remember how to sleep anymore
it sounds stupid, i know
you always got so upset when i didn’t look after myself
i don’t know why it mattered
i don’t think i’ve mattered for a long time
long before you came along, at least
i mean, i was fine
am fine
i killed your plant, by the way
it was an accident
sorry
i haven’t been able to drag myself out of bed to water it
it’s kind of funny, you know, being in bed but not being able to sleep
lol
it’s just
hmm
it’s all just gotten to be a bit too much, you know?
i also think i killed off any friendship i’ve ever had
i don’t think i’m built for company
i think you were the last friend i had left
i’m not sure if i actually know how to love someone
i think i’ve been pretending for a long time
i’ve fooled myself into thinking that i can love
you know, gotta fit in with society and all that lol
it’s not that funny, actually
maybe i am as empty as they come
i think i was made wrong
i don’t think i work properly
i’m so tired
i want to sleep
but i’m scared if i close my eyes, i’ll be forced to see you again
i’m so, so tired*” typed_speed=”50″ thb_animated_color=”#000000″]
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Author: Alex Boughen is a non-binary creative writing student that has a passion for exploring mental health, the human experience, and queer identities through poetry and short fiction. Combining their love of the mundane with ambiguity and open endings, Alex writes with the hope of creating works that will resonate and encourage reflection.
Artist: Yongzheng Wang is a visual arts student from China, currently studying at QUT and living in Brisbane, specialising in traditional painting such as classical oil painting and academic sketching. While studying art in China, he won a first prize in landscape drawing in institute. He is fluent in Chinese, French, English and Italian and has a good knowledge of Western art theory.
Editors: Willow Ward and Hannah Vesey